He was so perfect for me it was almost too good to be true. If I had made a list of all the characteristics that make my heart go pitter-patter, this man would have hit almost all of them. In fact, the thought crossed my mind that someone I knew was playing a prank on me. I finally opted to have faith that he was a gift from the universe--'Congratulations, Carissa! You have worked so hard at resolving past issues, releasing your anger, and consciously growing into a happy, satisfied person. Here is your prize!'
We had not yet met in person, as he was on a business trip. He was supposed to come home this week.
It became serious very quickly--he talked about taking me home to meet his family in Hawaii. Quarterly business trips to Asia that he wanted to take me on. After a bit of rightly-raunchy phone talk, he even said that he loved me.
I was more cautious. I talked about building trust in the relationship. I talked about my fear of moving too fast as we hadn't yet met in person. I also talked about how seriously I was falling for him. I was excited. I was happy. I was so in love with the possibilities.
And then, without warning or explanation, he cut off contact. Nothing. We didn't have a fight. Our last conversation had been great. But less than 2 days after that conversation, he removed me from his 'favorites' list. I left a message and sent an e-mail, asking for an explanation. In staying true to myself, I wanted to express my sadness and confusion. Based on the past 24 hours, I don't expect him to answer me.
Of course, I questioned what I did wrong. Was I too honest, even though he asked me to be? Should I have not told him that I was nervous and that I did not yet trust the relationship (and that I 100% expected that I would trust it as we spent more time together)? Was I emotionally cold? Did I not give him enough compliments?
On reflection, I feel that I was honest and purported myself with dignity throughout our brief 'romance'. I was true to me. I guess I can give myself kudos for that. But, it still hurts.
And I'm left wondering, at what point will I permanently lose my trust in men? I've come across some whoppers in the past 18 years. How many more hits can I take before I completely break down for good?
