Perpetual Singleness

Here's the story. . . .

I went to a speed dating event in Alameda. There were only 8 people there (4 men/4 women) and I didn't get selected as a match. Positive thing about not being matched is that I get a free speed dating event. I'm thinking maybe in May I'll go to an event in Walnut Creek. Or, maybe I'll wait until the June event in Berkeley.

Now back to the story. . .

BUT, there was a man who arrived too late for the event, so he could not join in. He hung around and after wards we talked, we hit it off, I left with his number and he left with mine.

We talked a few times by phone. 40 minute conversations. We finally met up in person last Friday night. As first dates go, I thought it was, it was, better than OK, less than great. Good? I didn't quite get his sense of humor--he made references I didn't get, or he'd try to flirt with me but I didn't know he was because his tone never changed. I smiled a lot. I don't remember if he smiled. Sounds like a (not) great date, eh?

BUT, by the end of the evening, I was starting to catch on and I was feeling more comfortable. My nervous smiling ended and genuine laughs started coming out. We kissed a little and his lips were delicious.

When we said goodnight, I left it feeling that there was strong physical chemistry and that we'd need a few more dates to figure out if there was personality chemistry.

Next day--we met again in the afternoon to take a walk. He was aloof. I shut down. He tried his humor on me again, but by this time I was feeling so uncomfortable that I wasn't getting anything he said. I tried flirting, but he wouldn't return it. He started saying things that were slightly insulting. For example, he said that "those were an interesting choice of pictures you sent me," and then would not elaborate on what he meant. I had thought they were good pictures of me. In a last ditch effort, I reminded him that I'm a literal person but that I love to laugh and laugh easily. He commented that "everyone says that but it that doesn't mean they have a sense of humor." Ouch.

When I dropped him off, he gave me a kiss on the cheek.

Clearly, this one stopped before it ever began.

Clearly, I felt like crap and started second guessing myself as to what I did wrong.

Clearly, I started thinking of all the other dates I've been on that have not led to anything, and feeling more like crap because of it.

Clearly, I must have had a hex put on my love life. Or, the Gods have cursed me.

Clearly, I wanted to down a bottle of wine.

Clearly, I didn't because I would have felt even crappier in the morning and my brain was a bit stronger than my heart, convincing me that making myself feel worse was not the answer. Fortunately I didn't have any wine at home.

Clearly, I went online and, though I was fighting it and if felt horribly painful, I tweaked my profile on Cupid.com and Chemistry.com, and sent out 'I'm interested' messages to a few men.

Clearly, the quest continues.